


Sort Of

by orphan_account



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003)
Genre: One-Sided Attraction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-01-15
Packaged: 2019-10-10 11:24:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17424968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 2014 Roleplay. I played Raphael and assorted characters. NOT fic-ified. Just raw RP.Early SAINW story in which Leonardo and Raphael are restrained by their love for one another.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Like my work? Follow me on [Pillowfort](https://www.pillowfort.io/Duz/)

"Leo, it's April, call me back as soon as possible. I need to speak with you."   
  
Another missed call. Leo closed his eyes as he let the ringtone of his shell cell play. He already knew what the topic of discussion would be if he picked up; he could imagine the exact motivational talk April would use to get him back on the track of better thoughts. He didn't want to listen to those tired words.  
  
Leo let the tune die out a second time that hour before he put the device away and returned his attention to the training dummy that stood in the corner of the dojo. Taking note of its wooden surface that was covered in scars made by his blades, he surmised that it was only a matter of time before the arms of that old dummy would fall off and leave Leo once again without a sparring partner.   
  
Years of grieving and suffering through a dolent mood that refused to leave the lair had taken a toll on Leo and his family. As the leader, Leo wanted nothing more than to pick up the broken pieces, move on and maybe start anew. And so, much to his brothers' dismay, he'd dropped the search for Donnie a couple of months back. It seemed fate was against him as his decision had led them to drift even further apart. Things Leo once took for granted, like training together, were now a rarity.   
  
The worst part about it was that Leo was at a complete loss, a point where not even Splinter's guidance could help him get past. He just felt so very _tired_.

 

–

 

Raphael couldn't _believe_ it. After all those years of orders, instructions, demands of teamwork, teamwork, no turtle left behind, Leo had given up on Donnie. Given up on their brother and their team and their family. It was unthinkable. It was unforgivable. Raphael wasn't going to forgive Leonardo, and he tried not to think about it, but somewhere murky thoughts of Leo and Don were all that seemed to swirl in his head. Letting things go had never been his strong suit.

His anger exploded more and more on Mikey, his little brother, his buddy. He couldn't help it. He'd never directed his anger at their master, and there just wasn't any fight left in Leo. Leo pissed him off more than ever before, but it was because of how pathetic he'd become, rather than his normal arrogance. It was disgusting. Raphael thought he might hate him.

That was why he had decided to go out on his own. If Leo wasn't going to find Donnie, then Raph would. He wouldn't give up on his brother, no matter what. He wouldn't give up on any of them, even if Leo did. He spent the first few weeks exchanging heated words with his elder brother and his father, and the next few weeks sulking about the lair. Finally, almost two weeks ago, he had started his search.

He didn't know what he expected to find. The person who would be perfect for finding Donnie was… well, Donnie. He was the brains, the tracker, the genius. They were at a loss without him, and Raphael only now realized how much they had taken their brother's skills for granted. Without them, tasks that their team could have easily accomplished before were now impossible.

The search yielded few results. He ran into Foot often, but they never knew anything and Raphael… _dispatched_ them. Would Leo care if he knew Raph was killing again? Raphael didn't know, and he didn't care. He only came home in the early hours of morning, cleaned the gristle off himself, slept until dusk, then resumed his search.

The fruitless search for Donatello consumed his life. That was, until 2 days ago. The night had started out like any other. Raphael picked up a patrol of Foot and followed them, hoping to be led to someone of a higher rank, someone who might know something, anything, about Donatello. He hadn’t been particularly careful; there weren't that many, and he felt confident in his ability to take them.

He had been wrong.

The couple turned to a dozen which turned to fifty. The Foot seemed to multiply before his very eyes, and he realized he had stumbled upon a major stronghold. That would be promising, would be perfect, if it weren't for the fact that he was getting his shell handed to him.

It didn't occur to Raphael, at first, that he might not win this fight. That he might not be going home to his broken family in their stinking sewer. As the battle raged on and his body grew weary, he slowly began to realize, at least subconsciously, that he was not going to come out on top.

He'd been in a small, cramped cage for the last 2 days. No one had come in, and no one had come out of the room. Raphael had not been allowed to eat or drink, or even move, since his capture. He held onto that fire in his gut, that rage, and used it to push past the pain in his muscles, the weariness in his body, and the cold grip on his heart that told him he was going to die here. With his head forced between his knees, Raphael waited.

~~~~~~

The shell cell rang for the third time that evening. The caller ID read out Raph's number.

 

\----

 

Leonardo had spent the whole day meditating in his room when Michelangelo burst through his door, looking thoroughly distraught and his breathing was heavy. "Leo, there's something wrong! Raph is- he hasn't been home for hours! I looked for him everywhere but I can't-... I don't know where he is!" Mikey didn't give a moment of pause, his voice cracked, and tears were welling up in his eyes, but Leo hurried to calm his brother down by placing a hand on his shoulder.   
  
"Mikey," he started, trying to muster up a firm voice through the uncomfortable lump that was taking form in his throat. "Take it from the beginning. What happened?"  
  
Michelangelo went on to tell about Raph's sudden disappearance, how he'd been gone for hours and wasn't answering his shell cell, all the while holding back the tears that threatened to fall. Leo hadn't seen Mikey this upset in a long time; not since Donnie...  
  
At that moment it felt like wet cement was heaped over his head; his stomach turned cold from the sheer panic that was building up. And yet, he kept his  tone as calm as he possibly could, "I'll call April and Casey and tell them to look with us."

 

~ ~ ~  
  
New York had turned into a skeleton of the once lively city it used to be. A wasteland overrun by gangs and a new corrupt government which refused acknowledge the extreme rise of crimes. Everywhere Leo looked, there was Purple Dragon thugs running about, bringing even more chaos as they terrorized citizens, and it _hurt_ to see the beloved city he and his brothers swore to protect gradually become something so vile. It only further stacked up the guilt Leo harbored after losing Donnie. There was simply no time for vigilante activities, not that he and Mikey were in the right state of mind to be doing that to begin with.   
  
And now Raph was gone too.   
  
Leo let out a painful grunt as he jumped over to the next roof. His legs were tired and sore from searching for two days straight, from going to every imaginable place to find his younger brother. Leo grit his teeth; his stupid, hotheaded, irresponsible brother who always had to go off on his own without a single word. Hot tears were now streaming uncontrollably down his cheeks.   
  
But despite him feeling utterly exhausted, he kept looking throughout the whole night. Only when the sun made its way up over the horizon did he finally return to the lair, with still no success of finding even the smallest hint of Raph's whereabouts. 

  
Leo had barely sat down on the couch to rest his sore muscles when he heard the familiar tune of his shell cell, and he wasted no time fishing it up from his belt to check the caller ID. It was Raph's.   
  
"Raph?!" His voice was almost a shriek when he answered. "Wh-where are you? We've been worried sick-... Hello? Raph?"

 

\----

 

Nothing changed and Raphael had to count to keep time. It was near the end of the second day of his imprisonment when the door finally creaked open. He wanted to lift his head to see who had entered, assess opportunity for escape, but he could barely move at all. His bones felt brittle and were encased in quivering muscles. Raph wasn't even sure if he'd be able to stand when, if, they let him out of the cage, much less fight.

 

He heard heavy footfalls and a lock tumbling, then his cage door was swung open. Even that chance at freedom couldn't coerce his muscles to action. A hand reached in, grabbing the top ridge of his shell roughly. He was wrenched out and spilled into an uncoordinated pile on the concrete floor. Raphael took inventory as blood rushed to his abused body. Just stretching out his arms and legs was painfully ecstatic, and it took a second before he could comprehend anything beyond that sweet relief. His instincts seemed to kick back in then, and he opened his eyes.

 

It was only one Foot solider. Raphael would have been insulted if he had the energy. After those few seconds to get used to blood flowing through his body again, he was hauled onto his feet. Raphael wobbled, stumbled, but managed to stay mostly upright as the solider led him out of the room.

 

The complex wasn't much different from any other he'd been inside before. It was all concrete and chrome, sliding doors, electronic locks, dim lights. Donnie would know how to open these doors, but Raphael's lock picking skills were confined to kicking the damn door in. That wasn't possible here. He didn't even have his gear; everything had been stripped from him upon capture, save for his mask and his belt. His sai, his shell cell, his pads, the stupid fucking picture of his brothers he kept in his pouch... all of it was gone.

 

Truthfully, they didn't walk very far, but Raph felt like collapsing as the solider led him into another room. This one's purpose was unmistakable, and Raph grit his teeth. Great. _Fuck_.

 

The door slid open and shut again, and Raphael was alone in the room. Immediately, his eyes started looking for a method of escape. A sky light, a vent, a panel in the wall, anything. But there was nothing. How Frustrated, he turned his eyes to the computers, but nothing there made sense to him. It would to Donnie. Donnie would know to contact Leo, how to let the others know where he was…

 

Raphael's heart constricted; Leo. Had Leo realized he was gone yet? Of course he had. What would he be thinking, feeling? Remorse washed over Raph and he hung his head bitterly. He was a grade A fuck up. After losing Don, how could he put them through this? He was a shit brother. Maybe they were better off without him.

 

His hands curled into fists and he slammed them down on the unknown control panels, tears springing to the corners of his eyes. God fucking _dammit_!

 

“That's expensive.”

 

Raphael nearly jumped out of his shell. He wasn't alone…? That voice… he knew that voice!

 

“Shredder.” His voice was low and raspy from disuse and disgust. His eyes searched and found him, leaned against the wall in one of the darker corners of the room. He pushed off and took slow, deliberate steps towards Raphael.

 

“Now, turtle, you're going to tell me where your brothers and your stinking rat master are hiding.”

 

“Go to hell.”

 

A chuckle came from under that mask.

 

“You’ll come with me, turtle.”

 

\-------

 

How long had he tried to destroy the turtles? Too long, but that panic, that sweet hysteria in Leonardo's voice made everything worth it. Shredder closed his eyes and drank in that distraught voice.

 

“Say it again.” He growled into the phone, savoring every moment. “Tell me how worried you've been, turtle.”

 

Leonardo froze. That voice didn't belong to Raphael, but to a cold and sinister maniac. Almost immediately, Leo felt sick to the very core, and the panic that had been dwelling in his mind for the past couple of days reached its peak, surrounding his thoughts with only a horrible dread when he imagined the reason why Raph's phone was in Shredder's possession.   
  
"Shredder, you-!" Leo stood up from the couch, holding the shell cell in such a strong grasp. Although Master Splinter and Mikey had gone to bed hours ago, he still spoke in a hushed voice, uttering threats through clenched teeth. He later realized that his threats must have sounded empty to Shredder's ear; he had no idea of his location, of Raph's location. He ultimately had the upper hand. If Leo's worst fear was true, he was in no position to act aggressive. If Leo's worst fear was true, he couldn't let Splinter and Mikey know. Not yet.   
  
Eventually, he managed to call down and take a deep breath. "Where is my brother?"

 

\------

 

The Shredder listened to Leonardo with growing glee. This was exactly what he wanted. Hearing the cracks and breaks in that control was the best gift that Leonardo could give him. Well, the second-best gift. He allowed the turtle to vent out his rage, his empty threats, until his voice died down and he issued his real question.

 

He wouldn't have called Leonardo if there wasn't a purpose to it and, as much as he loved the distress, gloating was not enough of a purpose.

 

“It's your lucky day, turtle, because you have something that I want. Something I have been unable to ascertain from your stubborn brother. The location of your master. As such, I am willing to make you a deal. I'll tell you where I am, and you can have your brother, in exchange for the information I seek. If not… well, I wonder what happens when you take a turtle out of its shell...”

 

\-----

 

Leonardo’s heart skipped a beat when Shredder finally laid out his true motive. So it was going to be like that; an ultimatum where he's forced to choose between his own brother and father. When there was no sound on the other side of the phone line, Leo quietly let go of a breath he didn't realize he was holding, sighing deeply. Somehow, he felt more fatigued than before. Shredder's voice explaining the situation in such a deadpanned manner was burned into his mind.   
  
Leo must have stood still in one place for almost an hour contemplating what he should do. Then, after dropping the phone with a thump, he made up his mind. He was going to find Raphael and bring him back.    
  
~ ~ ~  
  
It was early in the morning when Leonardo reached the right location. He stared up at the huge steel door that sealed whatever horrors Shredder and his clan kept from the outside world. Two Foot Ninjas blocked his way. Blood dripped from their bruises caused by Leo's twin ninjatos, but the guards stood their ground, seemingly unimpressed. They weren't going to let him near the building.   
  
Soon the whole area was crowded by Foot ninjas, their blades pointed at Leo and daringly stepping closer to him. He had to fight the instinct of defending himself. The closer they got, the more he realized that he had no choice but to sheathe his weapons. One of the ninjas grabbed his arms while another grabbed his shell, and they started to forcefully push him into the building, leading him to The Shredder.

 

\-----

 

"Master."  
  
Shredder looked up at the solider who entered and away from the bleeding turtle on his table. Raphael took the moment to catch his breath and even out his heart rate. He was as trained in qi gong as his brothers, but he had never quite mastered control over his internal systems, but now seemed like a good time to practice. Raphael also looked at the solider; maybe this was his lucky break.

 

"The other turtle is here. We've taken him into custody."  
  
Or maybe not. Fuck. It had to be Leo. Why was he _here_? He was going to get himself killed. Raphael wasn't sure who he hated more in that moment: himself or Leonardo.   
  
"Bring him to me."  
  
The solider bowed and left, leaving the Shredder and Raphael alone once more. Raph was sure he could feel the little hot dog smirking. He grit his teeth.   
  
"Well, it seems your brother has come for you. Perhaps he will trade the answers I seek for your life."  
  
Raphael let out a peal of bitter laughter. "Yeah right. You don't know Leo." Leo would never sell out Splinter, not for anything. But he also wouldn't just leave Raph there. Even if Leo did cut him loose, he'd be useless in a fight. Deep cuts traced his plastron, his arms, his legs. Fresh blood oozed over dried spots, sluggishly running off his body to puddle on the floor. Shredder had pulled the nails off his fingers, stabbed, beaten, and burned him in an attempt to get him to talk, but he'd picked the wrong turtle; Raph could take any amount of physical pain.   
  
The door opened again, and Raphael groaned as Leo was led inside, flanked by a small army of soldiers.   
  
"Leo," he croaked, "You better not tell that goddamn kitchen utensil a fuckin’ thing, you hear me?"

 

\------

 

They took Leo into a long corridor. There was not a single source of light, drowning everything in pitch-blackness, and yet the Foot Ninjas shoving and dragging him forward knew exactly where they were going. They never exchanged a single word, only the sound of their footsteps bounced off the narrow walls.   
  
Leo swallowed thickly as his pulse started to race. The corridor felt endless. Then they halted. There were two loud knocks against another steel door, and with a hiss and a clang it opened. Leo didn't know what he expected to find beyond that door. A foul smell of rot and dirt escaped the room. The Foot Ninja behind him gave one final push, and once inside the room he could also distinguish the smell of decay-dried and fresh blood, which reminded him too much of a sepulcher. He had to fight the urge to throw up.   
  
As feeble as it was, Leo welcomed the sight of an overhead lamp so he could finally make out his surroundings. If there was one thing he _did_ expect to be greeted by, it was the tall figure standing in the middle of the room. The Shredder.   
  
But he wasn't alone. Leo turned his attention toward the table beside Shredder, and he had to stare at it long and hard before he could recognize his own brother. And then he spoke, verifying that the person lying on top of that table, that bloody, scarred, beaten heap, was indeed Raphael. Without thinking, Leo tried to dash forward, but one of the Foot's reflexes were quicker and jabbed the center of Leo's plastron with a knee, followed by another one grabbing his neck and forcing him down to the floor. Raph's name died on Leo's lips as the air was forcefully pushed out of his lungs.   
  
When Leo recovered his senses, he saw Shredder looking down at him with such triumph. It made Leo's blood boil, though he made no effort to fight back. Given the long silence, he assumed Shredder was waiting for Leo to talk. To complete the agreement.   
  
"I'm not giving you anything before you let Raphael go."

 

\------

 

The Shredder considered this. Leonardo was not in a position to bargain, and they both knew it. Had he planned this at all? Still, it may be easier to simply dispatch of the turtles as a group rather than spend countless hours hunting down the spare one and their master. He crossed the room and flipped a switch. The bonds at Raphael's wrists and ankles creaked open, but the turtle didn't move. The Shredder walked to him and, sliding one claw under his carapace, flipped him onto the floor. He landed with a solid thud and a shuddering groan.   
  
Pain exploded through Raphael's senses as he slammed into the floor near Leonardo. His vision swam and he had to steel himself to hold onto reality. Leo was a breath away, his own face pushed into the concrete floor near Raphael's. "Nice rescue, bro," Raph managed to rasp out.   
  
The Shredder stood above the fallen brothers, an air of superiority and anticipation radiating from him. He crossed his arms over his chest as he glared down at Leonardo. "Let him up."   
  
The soldiers immediately unhanded the turtle and took a step backwards as the Shredder appraised his adversary, challenging him with his posture and expression, daring him to make a move. "Well then, Leonardo?"

 

\---------

Leonardo could only watch as Shredder flung Raph off the table and onto the ground, wincing when his body collided with the concrete. It was a painful sound. Being at a much closer distance, he got a better look at just how much damage had been wreaked on his brother, the awful mistreatment he had gone through for two days. There were three identical cuts on his arms, deep and probably recently inflicted as they were seeping a concerning amount of blood.   
  
The sickness that had been harrowing Leo for some time now got worse; he could practically taste the bile in his mouth. He wanted nothing else but to just punish every bastard in that godforsaken room that enveloped an air of death and suffering. But most of all, he wanted to hold Raph and tell him how sorry he was for letting something so horrible happen to him. Why hadn't Leo noticed that his brother was missing for several hours? What kind of leader locked himself up in a room, keeping out the world as if it didn't exist? As if he didn't have a family to look after and protect?  
  
The ninjas who formed a circle around him, with their weapons out and ready, served as a reminder that he was still not allowed to make any sudden movements. And Shredder's stabilizing presence was like a dark cloud hanging over his head which made it clear that he was defenseless. No matter how he carefully chose his next words, one of them was going to get hurt. Or killed.   
  
Leo stood up and locked eyes with Shredder. "You waited two days until you contacted me. During that time, you've failed to make Raphael speak. And you want to test your luck with me. So be it."  
  
Leo raised his arm and reached for the handles of his katanas. The ninjas tensed, before Shredder signed them to be in place. All of them waited in silence as Leo unsheathed his weapons and threw them in front of Shredder's feet. He proceeded to do the same with his belt. "Take me into custody instead. But you must let Raphael go free. Only then can you... I'll let you do whatever you want with me."

\-------

Raphael watched Leonardo and struggled to pull himself to his knees. No... he didn't want this. His elder brother would never admit it, but Raph knew about Leo's darkness. In the face of defeat and failure, Leo pulled into himself in an unsettling way and being tortured by the Shredder? Raphael wasn't so sure that Leo could handle it. _He_ could handle it, and Leo should let him handle it.

"Leo," he swayed on his hands and knees, spitting a thin stream of blood onto the floor, "Don' do it." He couldn't let Leo surrender himself. There was no way the Shredder was going to keep his word, and this shell of a family _needed_ Leo if they were going to survive. Raph tried to pull himself to his feet, but it wasn't going to happen.

"Done." The Shredder conceded, though it was perhaps more to humor Leonardo more than anything else. He signaled to the soldiers, and Leo was surrounded once more. "Take him to the large holding cell and use the explosive restraints." He commanded, his eyes on the weapons in front of him. Raphael's eyes were trained on the katana as well; he couldn't look at his brother. Shame rolled through him; this was his fault. It was always his fault.

Two Foot hauled Raphael to his feet as Leo was led out of the room and out of his sight, though the door remained open so that the Shredder's voice could carry down the hall, still within Leonardo's earshot. Shredder regarded Raphael but spoke to the soldiers. "Take him the large holding cell as well, but –"

"You lyin’ sack of shit!" Raphael hissed, interrupting the command.  He fucking _knew_ it, and Leo should have fucking known it too. There was no way the Shredder was going to let him go. Leo was a fucking fool-

"Do not restrain him. Do not lock the door. He is free to go. Understood?"

Raphael blinked as the Foot bowed and began to drag and pull him out of the room and down the hall. He didn't understand. What was Shredder playing at? He was free to go? Was this some sort of joke?

His stomach clenched, and he swallowed hard when he was pushed into the room, and he suddenly understood everything. Leo was against the wall, his hands chained above his head into restraints that had small explosives; it didn't take a genius to figure out that they would explode if they were forcibly removed. Raphael couldn't help but think that Donnie would know how to remove them.

The room itself was the size of a small bedroom, and it was empty save for Raphael, Leonardo, and the darkness. If he left, he'd have to leave Leo behind. The Shredder couldn't have picked a better restraint. Gritting his teeth, Raph began to drag himself across the floor, just trying to get closer to Leonardo.

He didn't know what to do or what to say; his relationship with Leo had always been uneasy, contentious at best and downright dangerous at worst. But there was no one who was like Leo, no one he respected like Leo. No one who had that strength, poise, and the control that Raphael so often lacked. Leo was everything Raphael wasn't and, though he often resented him for it, he also loved him for it. Maybe more than he should have, but that was how he felt. Not that Leo knew. Raphael had never told anyone, not even Casey, about the uncomfortable mix of feelings surrounding Leonardo.

The thoughts drew him way from his pain, and he managed to make it across the room. He curled on his side, shell to the wall, the top of his head barely brushing Leonardo's thigh.  He wanted to say something, but nothing came to mind. He felt so shitty with guilt that any biting comments died in his throat.  Well, fuck it. Raphael wasn't known for his filter, and he knew Leo wouldn't make fun of him, not here, not now.

"I'm sorry, Leo," he whispered, "I fucked up big time."

\---------

 

Leo was once again hustled into the darkness of the corridor by a swarm of Foot Ninjas, holding onto him firmly and leaving him with no means to escape. Even if he could, he wouldn't. He had to keep his end of the bargain to bring Raph to safety. The mere thought of losing another brother was simply too much; it broke the last remains of his spirit.   
  
They hadn't walked too far from the room when Shredder spoke again, spitting out those vicious words of deceit. Of course. Leo should have seen it coming, and he cursed himself for acting so gullible. The ninja by Leo's left side must have felt his posture turn rigid since he quickly signaled to stop, and the sign after that probably meant to hold Leo down, but the others were given no time to react as Leo headbutted the ninja's skull. With his arm free, he struck a second Foot's jaw so he stumbled backward and hit the wall. The rest were easy to take down-even without the help of his weapons.   
  
Leonardo trusted his abilities to take down a swarm of Foot Ninjas by himself, and in that moment of blind anger and desperation, he thought he could defeat The Shredder single-handedly as well. He had done it before and could do it again. It was a foolish conclusion, he was painfully aware of that fact, but what other choice did he have?   
  
However, Leo never got the opportunity to try out that leap of faith. He caught sight the glistening of a blade in the corner of his eye, causing him to stop dead in his tracks. Just in the nick of time, too. The sharp edge of the blade barely grazed his throat, but still enough to make a small, bleeding cut under his chin. He was left dumbfounded. He had taken every ninja in the room down, and he was faster than them to get away before they could recover. And it's not like any of them had enough skill to sneak up on in such a cramped area. Did he do a miscount? Or --  
  
"It's no use, Leonardo," he heard eerily familiar voice from behind.   
  
Leo's eyes narrowed, and he breathed out through clenched teeth. "Karai."   
  
She gave a pause to let him hear the rest of Shredder's apparently unfinished sentence.   
  
_"Do not restrain him. Do not lock the door. He is free to go. Understood?"  
_  
Again, Leo was stunned in confusion. "What?"   
  
Karai didn't respond, instead she waited for the Foot Ninjas were all on their feet and could proceed to escort the blue-banded turtle to his cell. But not without their share of retaliation, kicking and punching him until his legs felt wobbly by the pain, straining to keep himself up.   
  
Next thing Leo knew, he was shoved into a room and restrained. The bindings held him tightly against the wall. He heard one of them mention something about the explosives, but Leo was more concerned with Raph's entrance.   
  
Then it hit him.   
  
No, no, no! Raph _had_ to leave! There was no way he could stay there with him. This was his only chance to escape that hellhole. Emotions swirled inside of Leo, making it harder for him to breathe. And yet, he still managed to keep that composed tone when he spoke to Raph.   
  
"Raph, please don't," he said and shook his head. "Listen to me. You have to leave! You can't stay here."  
  
Leo was interrupted by the noise of footsteps coming from outside. Karai returned to the room with another gang of Foot Ninjas, this time with his belt in her grasp. The way they surrounded the two of them, while they were lying hopelessly on the floor, struck Leo hard. They were like cornered prey, and for the first time he couldn't think of a single way break away from their claws. What made the matter worse was that Leo swore Donnie could have figured something out. A foolproof plan like he always did. Leo was guilty of going on gut feeling more often than not, but there was still another person who knew how to use their brain. Someone who maybe could save them.   
  
As if reading his mind, Karai buried her hand into one of the pouches of his belt, searching around before she finally revealed a small calling device. Leo's shell cell. Its glowing display showed a message of yet another missed call. Thankfully, the caller ID was a hidden number.   
  
"You called someone before you got here, didn't you?"   
  
Leo only glared back at Karai coldly, his mouth forming a thin line to indicate that he wasn't spilling the beans.   
  
Karai snorted. She dropped the shell cell to the floor, and then she stomped at it so the heel of her boot crushed the screen into dozens of small pieces. 

 

\--------

 

“Don' be stupid.” Raph muttered. “Not leavin you.”

 

There wasn't much time to argue, however, as Karai entered. Raphael watched her with glittering eyes. His expression was almost feral, but he remained silent as she spoke and even as she smashed the shell cell.

 

When Leo remained silent, Karai raised her arm. Faster than perhaps he should have been able to, Raphael was on his knees, half leaned over Leonardo's body. Raphael caught her arm on the downswing, not attacking but merely blocking. Even as tattered as his body was, his physical strength was superior to Karai's.

 

A faint trace of surprise flashed over Karai's face before it was replaced by a sardonic smile. She pulled back and straightened, rubbing lightly at the blood Raphael had transferred onto her uniform.

 

“Oh, really?” She taunted, not elaborating beyond that. Raphael snarled in response, and that wrung a genuine laugh from Karai.

 

“This is precious.” She chuckled, shaking her head at Raphael and Leonardo. “Precious and pathetic.”

 

For once in his life, Raphael ignored the insults and the jabs. He didn't have any energy left, and he was holding himself together just enough to keep Karai from striking his bound brother. That was all Raphael had in him.

 

Karai shook her head again and kicked the busted pieces of cell away from the turtles. She motioned silently and the Foot left, Karai trailing behind them. She threw one last patronizing look at Leonardo before she closed the door.

 

Raphael fell back onto the floor the moment Karai was out of sight.

 

\-------

 

Leonardo wasn't surprised that Karai had found his shell cell, and about his intentions. In fact, he'd been expecting it. He only wished that enough time had been given for April to track their location. Donnie had been far from careless when making sure that tracking their phones was going to be a difficult task, and yet he felt confident about April's skills. Hope is the last thing you lose, after all.   
  
Karai, on the other hand, was not going to let Leo's move go unpunished. Leo screwed his eyes shut, anticipating the pain of another hard blow to his body, and recoiled. But in exchange of Karai's blade, he felt the weight of Raph's body over him. He looked up, terrified of what he was about to see if Karai had successfully struck Raph in his place.   
  
Much to his relief, Raph seemed to be unharmed. Leo tried to move forward, squirming and tugging at his bindings, but it was ultimately useless. If any more force was applied to the shackles around his wrists, the explosives might go off.   
  
"Raph!" Leo burst out when they were alone in the room once more, with Raph collapsed beside him. Outside, he could faintly make out the order of securing the building.   
  
"How can you be so... so stupid." Despite his choice of words, Leo's voice was empty of any spite, there was just a bitter sadness. "This isn't the time to be playing the hero, you understand?"

 

\---------------------

 

"Shut up, Leo." Raphael grumbled, though he did not move at all. He was once again taking inventory of his body, of the big, bloody ache that was his body, trying to assess what could be healed without medical attention and how much more he could stand before he wasn't going to be doing anything at all.

 

"This ain't a game. No one's playing." He thought, if he tried, he could roll himself back onto his side. At least then he wouldn't be mumbling into the floor. Raphael tried once, failed, and tried again. He managed to get back onto his side, but the closeness to Leo with which he had collapsed now put his head on top of his brother's leg. Raphael didn't care enough to try to move again.

"When are you gonna get that through your thick skull? I ain't leavin _anyone_ behind."

\-------------------

"I know this isn't a game." Leo gave a defeated sigh as his shoulders drooped. What was the point of arguing in this kind of situation. Growing up under the same code of honour, and after finding themselves in positions which put their family bonds to the ultimate tests again and again, Leo felt almost foolish forgetting about Raph's loyalty to his brothers. No one knew it better than Leo.   
  
To be honest, he felt the smallest tinge of gratefulness over Raph's stubbornness. If was a frustrating and dangerous thing most of the time, yes, but relieving nonetheless. He wasn't alone.  
  
Looking down at Raph's pained expression, he attempted to speak in a more consoling tone, "No one's leaving _anyone_ behind. But for now, we'll just have to be patient. We can't fight back or defy any orders. Can you do that for me, Raph?"  
  
Leo took that moment to fully examine the room that had become their cell. He took note of the strangeness of this whole building; outside it looked no different from an ordinary office building, but the interior was like no office building he'd ever seen. Like every other room, there were no windows, leaving them in complete darkness save for a small lamp placed in a corner. Leo and Raph were barely in its circle of light. 

\------------

"I ain't gonna let them hurt you." He said gruffly, twisting his face into a scowl. He didn't know how to express his worries to Leo; the words always came out wrong and Raphael just got angrier and angrier as he fought to translate what swirled within him into a form that Leonardo could understand. How did he tell Leo that he didn't think he could take it?

"I'll do what they want," he conceded, at least a little bit, "but I ain't gonna let them hurt you."

Tough words, sure, but Raphael probably couldn't back them up. He blocked Karai's strike, but he would have quickly lost an actual fight. He knew, deep down, that he couldn't protect Leo, couldn't protect himself, but he couldn't face that. It was too much, conjured more fear that Raphael was equipped to deal with. So, he dealt with his fear in the way he usually did: aggression and insolence.

 

\-----------------

Leonardo nodded, the corners of his mouth curved up into a gentle smile, albeit a bit crooked. It wasn't a full-on agreement, but he figured that it was as good as any. Regardless of everything else, he could at least appreciate Raph's sincerity. "Thank you, Raph."  
  
For what felt like an eternity, they waited. A dull ache had seized Leo's shoulders, his arms stiff from being pinned in an uncomfortable manner over his head. It was nothing he couldn't handle, but there was a part in the back of his mind that wondered how long his body could withstand that position before it started to get agonizing. He tried not to think too much about it. Whatever the Foot had in store for him, it'd be just a mere scratch compared to bearing the knowledge of what could have happened to Raphael if he hadn't showed up. No, what _would_  have happened. The hell they'd put his body through was evidence of that. Leo couldn't even gather himself to ask about the details. And every time he glanced down to check that Raph was still holding up, another wave of guilt washed over him.   
  
The sound of someone turning the lock of the door snatched Leo away from his thoughts. He fixed his eyes at the Foot Ninjas who entered the room one by one. 

\-----------------------

He gave no response, and the silence stretched between them. He knew it was stupid, but he felt safer with Leo there and only then did he seem to realize how utterly exhausted he was. Slowly, his lids drooped and eventually shut out the dark emptiness surrounding them. It wasn't very long before Raphael was asleep, snoring light, head on Leo's lap.

Raph's eyes snapped open when that lock turned. It felt like he had just shut his eyes... the line of his jaw tensed as the Foot filed in, and that was the only sign of discomfort as Raphael pushed himself into a sitting position. Assessment and planning wasn't his skill, and he didn't know how to overpower the soldiers before him. His stomach clenched painfully when Karai finally entered the room. With Leo, they might be able to take them down. Maybe... Raph inhaled deeply, trying to focus. What would Leo do?  
  
He'd have a plan. Raph scrambled to come up with something. Karai... Karai had the key. Break her arm. Take it. Free Leo. That was the plan. He drew himself up, standing halfway in front of his brother. If he could stand, he could fight.

Raphael was a terrifying sight. His injuries had mostly stopped bleeding, but blood crusted over large portions of his body and flecked off in wisps with his movements. His empty nail beds were gnarled mounds of scab. His posture was slightly drooped, his upper body hanging forward as he shot a dangerous look of warning, fury, and unrestrained psychosis. Violence and murder radiated from Raphael, palpable in the air.

"Don't fuck with me, Karai." He ground out, pulling his hands into fists, ignoring how it broke and tore his abused fingers.

Karai looked amused more than anything else, and she attacked.

The fight was longer than it would have been if it weren't for Raphael's determination, but shorter than it would have been if the Foot hadn't been there to subdue him. He did manage to break her tibia, but it wasn't enough to loosen her grasp, to take the key, and Raphael ended up slammed against the wall, Karai purposefully digging her kunai into the wounds on his arms, wedging her weapons in to reopen them as Leonardo was unshackled and drug out of the room. Only then did Karai release Raphael.

He screamed, he howled, he banged at the door Karai locked with a scathing look, but there was no getting out, and there was no bringing Leo back.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this RP was unfinished. This is all y'all are getting, but we all know how SAINW ends.

"Karai! Stop--" Leo shouted and pulled at his bindings. He didn't give a damn about the clinking noise the explosives emitted around his wrists, even if they ended up blowing his very hands off. But try as he might, the shackles didn't budge and he was left to witness the brutality Karai unleashed on his brother.   
  
As Karai busied her kunai by piercing it through Raph's wounds, the Foot Ninjas who'd entered the room with her removed him from the restraints with ease. Leo wanted to shake off the arms that stretched toward him from every possible direction, attempting lift him off the ground and drag him outside, but it was like every last ounce of energy was drained from his system. He felt lightheaded, weak... drowsy. And there was a slow burn coming from the side of his neck. It hurt only for a few seconds before the biting pain was replaced by an uncomfortable, numb feeling.   
  
With the little bit of strength he still managed to muster up, he flung his arm to beat off the hand that was pressing something against his neck. A syringe filled with a sickly coloured liquid fell and landed by his feet. It was the last thing he saw before his mind surrendered to the darkness.   
  
In a faint voice, or maybe it was far off in the distance, he remembered hearing Raph call his name.   
  
~ ~ ~   
  
Mumbling chatter filled Leo's ears. He couldn't recognise the voices nor make out what they were saying. Suddenly, his eyes opened--No, were _forced_ open, and a blinding light assaulted his vision. His temples throbbed painfully and he released a loud groan. Then his stomach twisted, likely from the aftereffect of getting drugged, but also by the horrible feeling of someone's gloved fingers digging under his eyelids, as though they were gauging his eyes out.   
  
Unable to hold back, vomit surged through his throat. However, something was stopping him from rolling over onto his front and throw up. Confused and gradually becoming more panicked, Leo tried to get up, squirming and panting. Both his wrist and ankles were stuck, tied down to the table his body was lying on. He couldn't move his head either as leather bands chafed the skin on his chin and scalp, so he could only cough and spit out the vomit before choking on it.   
  
Where was he... What's happening? What were they _doing_ to him?  
  
It only got worse.  
  
When the fingers left his eyes, he realised he couldn't close them anymore. Cold metal strained both his upper and lower eyelids, forcing him to stare into the light which felt like it was going to burn him away. 

The Shredder was a patient man, if anything. He lifted his eyes, impassive, as Leonardo struggled and vomited on the table. He measured liquid carefully into a vial, a small dropper placed within it. Most of his armor was gone now; it was not needed. He crossed the room with slow, deliberate steps and hovered about Leo, blocking out that bright light with his silhouette.

"Where is your master?" The Shredder asked, though it was obvious that he did not expect Leonardo to respond. In fact, his voice was laced with a chill of excitement, as though he didn't want Leo to answer him. Not right away, at least.

He reached out with one hand and pulled the bandana from Leo's face, dropping it to the floor like refuse. He regarded the turtle. "Would you like to know what I did to your brother? He wouldn't talk to me either."

Shredder moved out of the light, circling Leo on the table slowly. "I expected that. Your brother, Raphael, is stubborn, is he not? I'm sure you find it as frustrating as I do."

He stopped at the crown of Leo's head, and squeezed the plunger of his dropper delicately; this was not something where excess was necessary.

"Some might start small, a little cut, a small burn, but I do not. Shock the system early. I started with the fingernails."

He leaned over Leo, dropped lifted. "And, with you, I start with the eyes."

He released the pressure on the dropper, allowing a single drop to fall into Leo's right eye.

Leo tried to follow Shredder with his gaze, but even the slightest of movements made the metal scrape the surface of his eyeballs, and it gave him more agony than the lamp hovered over his head. Tears blurred his vision and trickled down his cheek, managing to rinse and ease the burn of his dry eyes by a little.   
  
He swallowed and smacked his lips together to get rid of the disgusting taste in his mouth, which compounded with the blasting pain in his skull made him nauseous to the point he thought he was going to pass out again. A part of him wished he could lose consciousness just to escape this torturous treatment, and he simultaneously wondered if it was even possible with his eyes wide open.   
  
Desperate to focus on something else beside the pain, Leo almost didn't notice the light getting blocked by the dark silhouette, and he couldn't help but breathe out in relief. Although that moment was short-lived as something else came into his line of sight. At a quick glance, it looked like nothing more than plain eye drops, but Leo knew better than that. Leo started trembling when Shredder leaned down with the dropper, when he realised what that sick maniac wanted to put him through just to make him confess. Clenching his jaw, he braced for the first drop.   
  
The impact was nothing he could have ever imagined. The pain was simply indescribable.   
  
Once more, Leo shifted his body for naught, the restraints held him firmly onto the table which scraped at his skin with its uneven surface. He screamed as the acid slowly ate its way into the coat of his eye like thousands of microscopic termites. 

The Shredder gave no indication that Leo's distress bothered him. He let each drop fall into Leo's eyes and waited patiently until the acid had dissolved as much as it could before he added another drop. This went on for half an hour. He didn't want to take Leo's vision, not yet, and he would if he continued. As it was, he knew the turtle's eyesight would be badly damaged and beyond repair.

Setting the dropper on the table, he faced Leonardo. Not a word had been uttered by the turtle, besides his screams, even in response to the taunts about Raphael.

"I'm disappointed, Leonardo." He said quietly. "Your brother wasn't nearly so silent. He was colorful, fuck this, fuck that, I could stick my questions you know where. Lively. But you? Just screams and tears."

\----

It didn't take long before the pain overloaded all of Leonardo's senses. He couldn't think, he couldn't breathe, only scream with every frequent drop. The tears that were now streaming down freely did nothing to alleviate the torment his eyes were suffering. He couldn't tell what was happening to them, but the burn reached all the way to the back of his skull, causing him to believe that the acid had melted his eyes off - or at least on its way to do so.   
  
Half an hour in, he finally remembered his training. Even in such a gruesome situation, he had to calm his body down. It was an incredibly difficult task, and while it still hurt like nothing he'd been through before, he did everything in his might to control his reactions. He refused to give Shredder the satisfaction of seeing him crumble until there was nothing else he could do but to give him the answer he so badly wanted, just to free himself from the torture.   
  
Leo heard Shredder talk again, just barely. Hoarse from the wailing, he coughed out, "Is- is that... all you can do?" He offered Shredder a weak smile to drive home his point. "It takes... more than that to... to break me."

\-----

A smile curved the Shredder's lips. There we go. That was more like it. He let out a small chuckle. Yes, he had hoped that was the case.

"Oh, that is the least I can do. But I don't want you to die, just yet." He gave a motion that Leo could not see, and soldiers were around the turtle, unchaining him, removing the metal from his eyes, dragging him back out of the room.   
~

Raphael didn't know what to do with himself. He knew he should be calm. He should be conserving his energy. He should be... he should be doing anything other than what he was doing, pacing bloody footsteps around the cell while he waited for Leo to come back. He had to come back. He wanted to kill. The urge was so strong in him that it hurt, and Raphael could barely think through the haze of pent up aggression and frustration. This wasn't right-it wasn't fair! He didn't know how to fix it, so he just wanted to bash skulls together until he was covered in blood that wasn't his own.

The door opened, and Raphael froze. His eyes flickered over Leo, assessing damage. It didn't look too bad. He didn't even see any blood.

\----

Leo couldn't find purchase with his feet when the Foot Ninjas lifted him off the table, so he ended up being hauled on the floor the entire way back to the cell. The remains of the acid that had yet to bite at his eyes mixed with his tears, burning his cheeks instead. He blinked repeatedly, and then kept his eyes closed in fear of finding out the true damage.   
  
"Put these on him," he heard Karai's voice say, and immediately thereafter, his hands were bound behind back. He didn't try to fight back this time; his body and mind had been drained from any will. He only longed for the cell, away from the hands of the Foot who grabbed and dragged him around like a ragdoll. And he wanted Raph to be there with him. As long as he knew Raph was still safe, he couldn't care less about his own safety.   
  
One of the ninjas lifted Leo up again and practically threw into the room. He rubbed his eyes against his shoulder, the floor, anything he could reach, and suddenly he started freezing. Was it always this cold? Or did they put him in a meat locker? Worried that they'd changed his cell, Leo called out for Raph, although he was too tired to make it any louder than a whisper. It sounded pathetic to his own ears. 

\----

There was no blood, but it took only a second for Raph to tell that something terrible had happened, even if he didn't know what it was. Leo was weak on his feet, stumbling, falling over himself as he was dumped into the cell. It took another moment for Raphael to notice how Leo was rubbing his face against anything he could touch; what had happened?   
  
He took a few steps forward, and his blood froze when Leo said his name. It was small, so small in that room. The fragile syllable pierced the darkness and faded away, but the image of Leo on his knees, tears running down his cheeks, was seared into Raphael's mind.   
  
That mind seemed to jump start, and he ran the short distance to Leo, sliding on his knees to kneel beside him, ignoring the pain shooting through his own wounds as he did. He reached out, one hand on Leo's shell, the other wrapping firmly around Leo's hand.   
  
"I'm here, bro. I got you."   
  
Being the strong one was what Raph did, but not for Leo. Raph could be strong for Mikey or... but Leo? Leo had always been the one who stood up to Raph, who challenged him, who met his strength and his will and exceeded it. Raph felt almost embarrassed holding Leo like this, like he was doing something taboo.   
  
His eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and he removed his hand from Leo's shell to pull his own bandana off. He used it to gently wipe at the tears on Leo's cheeks. Only the gentle sizzle of his bandana made him realize that tears were not what was on Leo's cheeks, but some sort of acid, burning tracks into his face.   
  
"Leo!" He pushed his brother back quickly, spit on the bandana, and frantically wiped away as much of the acid as he could. He noticed that Leo hadn't opened his eyes.... Raphael touched the closed lids gently.   
  
"Leo?"

\----Leo let out a shaky breath; Raph was there, he wasn't alone. His teeth had begun chattering because of the cold, before Raph's presence brought the warmth back to his body like a remedy. _Thank you,_ he wanted to say, but he'd already used up his voice. So he showed his gratitude by leaning into his touch, but he winced when Raph touched his eyelids.   
  
The hot, bitter anger Leo had felt when Shredder tortured him had cooled down and died in his chest. Right then, he only felt scared by the darkness that would surely be more terrifying than one he'd been surrounded in earlier. It was small and confined to the room. His breath came shallower, and faster, faster and shallower, claustrophobia taking hold. More tears pressed their way through as Leo finally cracked his eyes open. And much to his bewilderment, it didn't stay dark for very long. He could see... colours. The orange from the lamp, shining over them to reveal the green of his brother's skin. Blinking, he could make out the faint outline of where green met beige... Raph's plastron.   
  
He didn't know if it was still too early to rejoice, but his vision seemed to get better the more he kept staring and focus on the small details. He almost scoffed; Shredder had taken most of his sight away, and here he was happy that it wasn't _completely_ gone.   

\----"Leo...?"  
  
Raphael watched his brother open his eyes and blink with a sharp inhale. Could eyes scab? He wasn't sure, but Leo's eyes were red and angry and bleeding. The uneasy blinking, the lazy way they drew across the room... could Leo see? Raph wasn't sure, but he didn't think so.   
  
Raphael was on his feet, pushing away from Leo, from the stupid cold damp cell, from the Shredder, and from the pain and the horror and from Donnie's haunting presence. He stepped backwards, stepped, stepped, until his shell hit the stone wall. He stopped, his eyes wide but as unseeing at Leonardo's. This couldn't be real. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't right. This wasn't fair!  
  
Raphael screamed an anguished howl. He wheeled around and slammed his fist into the wall. Then his other. Again, again, again, until his fingers were cracked and bleeding and trembling. But Raphael did not stop punching and he did not stop screaming. He could feel the bones in his hands cracking, but even that could not stop him.  
  
What the fuck was this life? This fucked up existence he and his cursed family had? Alone, underground, now lost and beaten and, and... for what? For fucking what? A public that feared them? Hated them? Didn't know they existed?   
  
Because it was the right thing to do? Was what happened to Leo, to Donnie, _right_?   
  
The pain in his hands was nothing compared to the pain in his soul, and Raphael could not deal with it. He'd never had any tolerance for it. He tore at his arms, digging his breaking fingers into the wounds, tearing at the tissue, letting the blood flow out. His legs wobbled and he fell down to his knees, letting his body fold forward so his forehead rested on the floor. He didn't want any of this.   
  
"No." He said, quietly at first, but it soon turned into a rebellious scream. "NO! NO!" He lifted up and slammed his forehead into the floor, savoring the dizzying pain and the unconscious that wavered at the edge of his vision. He might kill himself, if he continued, but Raphael couldn't find it in himself to care. They were dead, anyway, and it was all his fucking fault.  
  
It was all his fault.

\----Suddenly, Raph's hands disappeared from Leo's side. He tried to focus his eyes, but he could only see the dim orange. Everything around it was just black, a void. It became cold again. Leo waited. He kept his ears perked, tense, alert for any signs of motion. He waited, and... nothing? He started to grow nervous. What was going on?  
  
He listened for a while longer, and then he finally heard something. A thud. A scream, Raphael's scream. The nervousness continued to grow, getting worse. He hobbled around on his knees as best as he could, across the small space. He raised one leg, reaching for Raph, but accidentally overreached, lost his balance, and fell flat onto his face. His head hit the floor, which brought back the splitting headache from before.   
  
Raph couldn't be far away. Raph couldn't be gone. He anxiously pawed at the floor with his bound hands, once again ignoring the clinking of the explosives. All he felt was dirt and the empty air, and a dampened piece of cloth Raph must have dropped. He held onto it. Then he heard a sound from behind, and spun around.   
  
Raph was howling in pain. Fear seized Leo's mind in a horrible grip and wouldn't let go. Had a Foot Ninja entered the room without him noticing? Was Karai there with them, hurting Raph, finishing what she'd started... He tried to get back up on his knees, but couldn't find stability. Turning to the binding around his wrists, he flexed his arms and felt them strain, and he held his breath as the rope cut into the sensitive skin. He pushed and _pushed_ against them with all the strength he had left. They didn't do as much as budge. They were too tight.   
  
But he didn't want to stop. He didn't want to give up, even though it was pointless as the only thing he could do was to wriggle on the floor like a blind snake. If someone was hurting Raph the way they'd hurt him...   
  
Leo cried out. His voice was unable to carry out the screams, muffling them into incomprehensible sobs.  

\----After the second strike of his forehead against the ground, Raphael could feel a sort of detached calmness spreading through him. Maybe it was the concussion, but he felt like he was getting a grip on himself again and the pain of his body even felt lessened. He pushed back on his hunches and looked around the cell, a wonderful, blissful detachment coloring his vision.  
  
He saw Leo after a moment, on his side, crying. He simply stared for a moment, blinking slowly, watching Leo's chest raise and fall erratically, his hands twist unconsciously, blood and tears mixing to fall down his face. Raphael watched, and he felt a small stirring in the pit of his stomach and nothing else. Still, his body was moving. He felt like a marionette being manipulated, not in control of his own motions. He crawled across the stone floor, stopping close to his brother.  
  
"Leo." He said. His voice rang out hollowly. He reached down and tried to turn Leo. His fingers were gnarled and he could see that 2 of them were broken, but he couldn't feel them. He managed to close his hands around Leo and gingerly haul him up.  
  
In an expression of tenderness uncharacteristic of Raphael, he brought Leo against his chest and held him there. It was something he had done as a child; he was always the strong one and even Leo sought him out for comfort, sometimes, when they were little. This didn't feel too much different from being a child.  
  
"Shh." He said softly though, again, it felt like someone else talking. Raphael could barely feel the weight of Leonardo against him, could not feel the tears, could not feel the pain in his own body.   
  
"I got you, Leo." He repeated. "I got you. I got you."

\----Leo fell into his brother's warm embrace. His frame was shaking uncontrollably. But Raph was there, filling his empty, black world with something soothing.  The unmistakable smell of blood hit Leo's nostrils as he pressed close to Raph's chest. He was used to seeing Raph beaten up after a brawl with Foot Ninjas, Purple Dragons, or even with his own brothers. Sometimes it got worse than just a sprained ankle and a bloody nose, but there was this sense of secureness whenever Leo treated those wounds. He thought, as long as they could count on each other to watch their backs, they'd be sure to survive.   
  
This smell was so much different from those other times. In his broken, weak and utterly hopeless state, Leo couldn't be the leader - the big brother - Raph desperately needed for comfort. He'd had his first taste of absolute failure when they'd lost Donnie, and that was when reality struck him the hardest. Like falling head first on concrete, he woke up from this bubble filled with useless optimism and realised that the world is nothing but a cruel place.   
  
Leo didn't believe they could survive this. His breath hitched in his throat every time he heard footsteps right outside the door, dreading the moment Shredder and his soldiers would come back to take one of them away again. Several minutes went by, stretching the time into hours, but Leo had long since passed out from exhaustion. 

\----Raphael drifted in and out of sleep, shifting occasionally as various parts of his body started to ache or fall asleep. Slowly, over the course of the next few hours, he started to come back to himself. Leo was gonna be useless; that was obvious. He couldn't blame the guy; he'd probably be useless too, if his eyes had been melted out of his head. The brutality of it wasn't particularly shocking to Raph; he lived a brutal life. That didn't mean that it didn't piss him off, however. Anger was rolling in gentle waves throughout his body, but it was nowhere close to the uncontrolled rage of a few hours earlier, where he had hurt himself. He rolled his shoulders; he kinda regretted that now. The Shredder and Foot were beatin' them up enough as it was; he didn't need to help them.   
  
His eyes drifted down to Leo. With his eyes shut in sleep, he looked almost normal. There were few visible injuries on his brother, unlike Raph. Leo could just be asleep after training, like any other day. It was a little unbelievable, that Leo could look so... well, okay, but not actually be okay at all. He let out a sigh and dropped his head, resting his chin on top of Leo's hard. He felt cold. Raph shifted, holding his brother closer.   
  
He'd never really held Leo in close contact like this as an adult. Their contact was all violent and angry, but this? It was something different. Raph wished the circumstance was different. He wondered if it ever would be; would they even get out of here alive? The thought twisted uncomfortably in his gut. He'd never really considered that, but it was possible. It was possible that he and Leo would die here.   
  
Well, fuck. This wasn't how he wanted to die. This was a stupid fucking way to die.  
  
He knew he probably shouldn't wake Leo. He needed to rest. Raph couldn't help himself, though. If he was gonna die, there were some things he was going to get off his chest first. He shook Leo, gently, his voice soft.  
  
"Leo. Leo, wake up."

\----Leo stirred from the small movements Raph made with his arms, quickly rousing into full wakefulness. Blood and gunk caked the corners of his eyes and made it difficult for him to open them. He tried to rub it away, but the uncomfortable way the bindings twisted his wrist reminded him of where they were... what had happened.   
  
Even with that in mind, it still felt terrifying opening his eyes and seeing nothing but darkness at first. The nausea was intense but passing. Once he regained his wits, he began to notice the details that had escaped him when he was still in initial panic. The colours were a lot sharper than before, and looking up, he could see the contours of Raph's face. His expression was somewhat softer than he'd expected, though Leo felt worried about the reason he'd woken him up.   
  
“Wha-” he coughed, not realising how raw his throat was. He coughed a few more times, and then continued, "Raph? Is there something wrong?"

\----Shit.  
  
This had seemed easier when Leo was still asleep. He shook his head. "No, bro, nothin'... well, nothin _new_ is wrong. I just wanted to... talk."  
  
Fuck, that sounded stupid.   
  
Raph swallowed. He felt like an idiot, but he had to do this. He had to do this now, because he might not get another chance. He hated it, because it sounded like he had given up, but that wasn't it. He was gonna get Leo out of there, at least. He just... he just wanted him to know ...  
  
"I... fuck." Raph closed his eyes. He couldn't do this with Leo looking at him, his eyes wavering, dilating strangely, looking eerie and ethereal.   
  
"I know I've always been... a... I know I haven't always been a good part of the team. I know I question and I argue and I fight but... uh, well... I... respect you, Leo. I do."  
  
That was a good start.   
  
"And I... I, aw, fuck, Leo. Sometimes, when I'm pissed, you're the only one that I want, you know? Even though ya piss me off. You piss me off more than anyone else. You always have. It's because... I..."  
  
Okay, he was losing it.   
  
"Look, I don't care if ya hate me." That was a lie. "But I'm not fuckin dying here, and neither are you, okay? And I'm gonna say this. I... love you. Not like I love Mikey or Splinter... but like... aw, fuck." Raph shut his eyes. This was fucking stupid. I love you? What the fuck was this, a cheesy ass movie?  
  
"Look, forget it." He said gruffly. "Go back to sleep."

\----Leo blinked. He was surprised by Raph's sudden inquiry to talk; it was so unlike his brother. It was hard to remember the last time they'd actually discussed something other than training or fighting the Foot, especially in recent years.  
  
So Leo listened with rapt attention, nodding his head between the pauses to spur Raph on. While he'd learned to read his brothers' emotions as easily as an open book whenever there was something bothering them, it was a whole another matter to make them talk _._ Or, to be more specific, to make _Raph_ talk. Most of the time, Leo was left wondering exactly what was going on inside that head of his, even after he'd successfully forced (oftentimes physically) the words out of him.    
  
But once again, Leo had to remember that this wasn't like those  _other times_. Given their situation, it made sense. And perhaps that was what made it sting so much. Blaming it on his still sluggish brain caused by the lack of sleep, he had a hard time trying to understand the point Raph was getting at - and he became even more confused when he stopped so abruptly, but he didn't fail to notice the gloomy undertone. And going by the heartfelt things Raph had said that was taken directly out of his comfort zone, it wasn't difficult connecting it as some sort of "last words".   
  
Shifting his aching body into a sitting position, Leo searched for the amber of Raph's eyes and looked straight into them. "I don't hate you, Raph, I never have and I never will. I love all of you dearly, you, Mikey, Don..." Leo inhaled sharply at that in an attempt to keep his voice from cracking. "As much as hate to admit it, I've given up on myself and my abilities to lead you guys. Every day I think of how we might have found Donnie if I'd just _tried_ a little harder. And maybe then this would've never happened..."  
  
Leo leaned in closer as he continued, speaking more quietly, more cautious. He hadn't seen anything similar in shape of a security camera in the room when he scanned it earlier, but he wasn't willing to take any risks in case they'd put a guard just outside to eavesdrop. "But you remind me of what it means to be a leader, and you always manage to give me my confidence back. So please, don't give up... not yet. _They_ should be on their way by now and when they come, we'll fight our way out of this mess."

\----

Raph side eyed Leo skeptically. Great. He hadn’t got it at all, had he?

“Yeah,” Raph grumbled, shrugging his shoulders. “Whateva’ y’say, Fearless.”


End file.
